I See Crazy Patterns

Sewing as illness

Pink Industry

This one was doomed from the start. Yes that’s right. Maternity. I do like my pies though, so I thought I’d be all right.


But look!


There are four seam lines! And even the smallest one is generous, to put it mildly. You’re meant to sew the smallest one, and let it out bit by bit as you expand. As the pattern says, These stitchings may be ripped out when necessary, allowing for extra fullness.

I mean, I’m hardly a precision sewer, but how are you meant to get a nice fit when you can do that? Of course, when I’d made it it was bloody massive, so I had to hack hack hack away at the fabric.

But, even taking this aside, there are three main problems:

  1. Gingham sends me into a frenzy. I understand it’s like this for all women
  2. As a child I used to ask my mother for permission to build Lego into a different colour scheme to the pictures on the box
  3. I’m over six.

So…I went for version 2, the one on the left. And then thought that a matching headband was a good idea. So I made one. Then I realised I had some shoes in the same stuff. And good God, the lining of my pink patent bag was wrought from the fabric too! It was all too perfect. Then I left the house.

Doesn't she look *humiliated*?

Doesn't she look humiliated?

Look at that placket work.

Look at that placket work.

At least Annabel's nailed to the floor and so was spared these.

At least Annabel's nailed to the floor and so was spared these.

I got laughed at the full length of Walthamstow market* and back. I’m used to attracting comments and a bit of joviality, but nothing compared with the effect I achieved that day.

Nothing as wonderful as the comment my friend got from a tramp though. (‘F*** me, it’s Bertie Bassett!’)

(Deep down, though, I still don’t get it. Everyone should dress like Sindy. Why can’t they see it?)


Pattern: Simplicity 6462

Fabric: Pink Irish linen (quite expensive, always creased to buggery) and £1 a metre pink gingham from Walthamstow market

Construction date: Summer 2006

Worn: 3 times (only once with accessories)

*The longest street market in Europe.


25/07/2009 Posted by | Sewing | , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments